About Divorce | After Divorce Coaching | Divorce support, coping and recovery programs and groups

About Divorce | After Divorce Coaching | Divorce support, coping and recovery programs and groups

About Divorce

So you’ve had a divorce. ..

In your community, do you feel like the odd person out; do you feel like you’re the only divorced person with a failed marriage under your belt? You’re not.

Getting divorced isn’t easy, especially when you feel completely isolated from married friends who don’t understand, your children who are acting out, and your parents who you feel think that you’ve failed.

Whether you’ve been married to a person for 20 years or 2 years, divorce can have the same detrimental effect on your ego, happiness, body, spirit, work, and relationships. Once we accept how hurtful divorce can be on nearly every aspect of our lives, then we can move forward and learn to how to rebuild, starting at the foundation.

 “The emotional levels one needs to work through during and following divorce are very much parallel to the stages on goes through at the time of death. At first, there is a denial of the events that have taken place and a consequent feeling of wanting to isolate oneself from the whole situation. Then anger, wherein one blames someone else for one’s predicament.

The third level is bargaining; a kind of situation in which one wants to look at the ledger to see that things are equal. This is often manifested over the custody of children and property settlements at the time of divorce. Then comes a period of depression, which is where much self-hatred, self-blame and feelings of failure are present.

Finally, after all of this, one comes to the acceptance of the situation and an acceptance of the self. Out of this comes hope for what can happen. I believe Bruce Fisher’s book makes it possible for people to work through these various levels, stage-by-stage. It is important to give this rebuilding period the time it needs, to awaken parts of the self that have been paralyzed, repressed, or unknown. Let each self-in this case the divorced person-come into the next part of life with hope rather than failure!”

-Virginia M. Satir, M.S.W.


Pain is translated as:

  • Anger
  • Hatred
  • Sadness
  • Depression
  • Sickness
  • Hurt (Physical)
  • Hurt (Emotional)

Pain does not:

  • Make you less of a man
  • Make you less of a woman
  • Make you weak
  • Make you stupid
  • Make you smart
  • Make you a martyr

Rebuilding Blocks:

We will use the pyramid of “Rebuilding Blocks” designed by Dr. Bruce Fisher to symbolize the mountain that you will climb on this journey to rebuild after your divorce. “Rebuilding means climbing that mountain, and for most of us it’s a difficult journey. Some people don’t have the strength and stamina to make it to the top; they stop off somewhere on the trail. Some of us are seduced in to another important love relationship before learning all that we can from the pain. They too drop out before reaching the top, and they miss the magnificent view of life that comes from climbing the mountain. Some withdraw into the shelter of a cave, in their own little worlds, and watch the procession go by-another group which never reaches the top. And, sadly, there are a few who choose self-destruction, jumping off the first cliff that looms along the trail.” (Fisher 5-6)


How long will this take?

“Studies with the Fisher Divorce Adjustment Scale indicate that on the average it takes about a year to get up above the tree line (past the really painful, negative stages of the climb), longer to reach the top. Some will make it in less time, others more. Some research suggests that a few in our climbing party will need as long as three to five years. Don’t let that discourage you. Finishing the climb is what counts, not how long it takes. Just remember that you climb at your own rate, and don’t get rattled if some pass you along the way.”

We all go through similar patterns when ending a relationship, or any crisis in our lives. Rather than using the tools you use in this course for only divorce, think of it as “Rebuilding After Crisis,” because that’s really what you’ve gone through. A crisis.

Sometimes being in a supportive group or having a mentor can help. Check out our After Divorce Programs.

Divorce
Marital Counseling
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Free Divorce Information and Advice
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Consensual Divorce Resolution (CDR) - Saving Couples & Families BIG Money
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Filing For Divorce Instructions
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Do You Need a Divorce Lawyer?
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Free Divorce Forms
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Children and Divorce Process Complications
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Divorce Records - How to Get Them
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Family Law - Filing For a Divorce When Your Spouse Doesn't Want One
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When a Relationship is Over - What to Do After a Break Up
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In California, Summary Dissolution is the Fastest and Cheapest Divorce Procedure
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Uncontested Divorces
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Signs Marriage is Over - 3 Early Warning Signs of a Divorce
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Dissolving a Civil Union
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Visitation Rights & Other Custody Arrangements
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Searching For a Specialist Divorce Lawyer
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How to Handle Your Divorce Attorney
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Knowing the Biggest Issues Involved in Your Divorce
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Dads' Rights to Child Custody and Visitation
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Divorce Can Happen Without Courtroom Drama
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Save My Marriage Today - Top 4 Tips to Save Your Marriage to and Stop Your Divorce
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Handle Your Divorce Collaboratively
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Divorce Advice For Men - Fight Back With Intelligent Action
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Emotional Effects of Divorce on Children
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Cheap Divorce Lawyers - Should I Hire an Attorney For My Divorce?
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Living Together in Divorce - A Divorce Lawyers Delight?
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Win Your Divorce - But Don't Win Too Big
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Join the Growing Trend - Live Together During a Divorce
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Divorce Advice For Women - Try to Settle Out of Court
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How to Stop the Divorce Process - No Matter How Bad You Messed Up Your Marriage!
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Divorce Attorneys For Women - Benefits of Hiring One
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Find a Divorce Lawyer - Discover the Easy Steps
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Find a Divorce Attorney - Tips to Get a Good Divorce Lawyer
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Divorce Attorneys For Men - Ways to Find the Best One
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Living Together in Divorce - A Matter of Opinion?
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Divorce Laws
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How Family and Friends Will Help You and Hurt You During Your Divorce
Fair-weather friends will discard you during your divorce. If your friendship is based upon status and position and your divorce deprives you of a part of that status and position, when you are discarded by such a friend, be assured that they were never your friend to begin with. Some friends will abandon you during divorce because of their own fears and unwillingness to suffer along with you. ...»

Divorce - Should You Do It?
Before starting the divorce process, several emotional factors can sway you to proceed with divorce or not. This article sheds light on these factors and a number of divorce lawyer tactics that may or may not help you and your family with making the decision to divorce. ...»

Divorce in the State of Georgia
Divorce is a difficult process for any couple. Truth be told, parties involved would rather hand all the work to their lawyers without having to sit in court or even see each other if possible. Aside from the stressful proceedings, there are other things to consider, especially in view of children and properties. ...»

Christian Divorce - Discussing the Issues
Christian denominations have four general positions on the subject of divorce, and implies that divorce is a sin, sometimes forgivable, sometimes not. For conventional Christians this can create a psychological quandary, creating feelings of guilt. They may have a difficult time forgiving themselves or their former spouse, which can impede divorce recovery. ...»

Children and Divorce Complications
There are an increasing percentage of divorce cases which are being filed. The child who fails to receive the support of his parents is surely going to feel dejected. There are chances that a child will become disobedient and unruly and try to vent out feelings on the family members. As the couple is too busy and depressed with their own sentiments and feelings, the child gets neglected and does not have a shoulder to cry on. They try to seek attention from other people who are ready to listen to them and the child airs out his feelings. ...»

Best Divorce Attorneys - Are They Necessary?
You need to find the best divorce attorneys who have a good track record and who are specialists in their field. By knowing these few steps, you should feel comfortable that you will receive the best advice possible on your divorce case. ...»

Separation Agreement and Property Settlement Agreements Involving Military Retirement Benefits
When drafting separation agreements and/or marital property settlements, it is important to give special attention to the division of military retirement benefits so as to avoid the possibility that a former spouse will be deprived of his or her agreed upon share. This risk arises from the ability of a former service member to make a subsequent election that shifts retirement pay to disability pay. It is essential that the separation agreement or marital property settlement contain language to address and protect against loss from this contingency. ...»

Relationships - Tips For Moving on After a Bad Break Up
When a relationship ends, it's like having a piece of you broken off. No longer can you lean on and depend on your partner anymore. The change is profound. You literally have to start living a whole new life. ...»